The Stages of Bond Life
When we read the Fleming novels, or watch the movies, we get the idea of a 007 somewhere between his late thirties and early forties—depending on which book we read or movie we see. We might say that there is a special decade to be Bond at his best—between thirty five and forty five.
Of course, any breakdown of years is going to be somewhat arbitrary and capricious, but what’s wrong with that? Life is arbitrary and capricious, and since we are alive…well? So let’s kick some ideas around about what we should be doing before and after the magical Bond Decade in our life.
After all, this site has readers of all ages enjoying the Bond Lifestyle—or hoping to.
First, let’s wait until after puberty is well set in, because during that time we have enough to worry about. Let’s take it up from our later high school years (or whatever high school is called in the particular country you happen to be living in).
What do you do when you are a kid planning to live the Bond Lifestyle? You might want to study foreign languages in school, mainly Western European and if offered, one of the Far Eastern varieties. Being multi-lingual can only help you in later years, and will definitely come in handy for your Bond Decade. Additionally, for many people, it is easier to learn a new tongue when you are young.
Besides foreign language study, you might want to get rather fluent in English (assuming that is your indigenous lingo), because being able to express yourself well, is a necessity of wit and wisdom, and Bond is both witty and wise. He also spoke English as a first language.
On the physical side of your later teen years, you might want to study some kind of martial art, whether it is participation in a school wrestling, boxing or fencing team, or the more exotic stuff you may find in a professional dojo. You also want to learn to swim. If your school has a rifle or pistol team, join it.
Besides being a smart guy, Bond was a tough guy, skilled in combat, and when you are young, you heal oh so much faster.
After high school, you should go on to university, assuming that you are smart enough and there is money enough. You can continue with foreign languages, perhaps political history, or some Bond related subjects. You also continue with your physical training.
As far as your personal appearance in your young years, being neat and well groomed will be sufficient. You will look like a supreme dork tooling around campus in a tuxedo. Also regardless of your particular “uniform” in these formative years, learn to buy quality, be just a slight step up from your contemporaries. Not enough to appear snobbish, but just enough for the ladies to notice the difference.
Of course, if you really want to be like Bond, you should engage in some military service, as long as you don’t mind risking life and limb for some multinational energy company, or are delusional enough to be patriotic.
But even if you don’t have the bars and scars that may come from uniformed service, if you have studied your martial arts like a good boy who would be Bond, you still get props and the tools you will need.
So by the time you are about twenty five or so, you are well groomed, well spoken, and hopefully can handle yourself when attacked by Jaws. Now it’s time for the next stage of Bond Life, from twenty five to thirty five.
One obvious caveat during these years we have spoken of is do not get married, do not have children, and don’t get an STD. It will definitely put a damper on your Bond Decade.
Now you can start dressing more upscale, getting into some kind of interesting line of work, and experiencing foreign women. You improve your appearance, your income, your experience. You also travel as much as possible given the limitations of time and pocket.
You drive the best car you can afford, you buy the best clothes you can afford, and you especially see to it that your income is going to keep up with your soon to be lifestyle. Ain’t easy, but this is Bond we are talking about, not Bozo the clown.
So after all this preparation, one day you turn thirty five. Time to really play. Perhaps you have obtained the type of employment that is directly related to political and intelligence matters. Bravo. Maybe law enforcement. At least you have obtained the type of employment that enables you to travel on the company dime and necessitates that you look your best.
Now you become more of the part. You read the better international newspapers, you are involved in whatever manner open to you in political and international events. You are getting the right shirts suits and shoes, and you are staying in shape to merit them.
At this time of life many men are thinking of wife and family. Not for you, because you never catch Bond behind a stroller, or on line at a supermarket. Stay single if you would be an international man of mystery. Get married if you prefer misery.
Better hotels for you, and stake out the hotel bars for those traveling women with nothing better to do than to sleep with a sophisticated guy like you. Drive one of the Bond type cars, even if it is in the lower range of the brand. Travel first class or as close as you can to first class.
Learn your wines if you haven’t already done so, learn to appreciate the world’s great spirits, smoke premium cigars, and don’t date dogs. You are in your prime Bond decade and that requires daily planning to live the lifestyle as close as possible for you.
The memories you make in your Bond Decade should keep you warm and cozy as you spend the last years of your life in a nursing home—assuming by then you can remember anything.
Avoid self doubt, avoid jealousy, avoid nasty drugs that will kill you. Cultivate some decent restaurants where you get VIP treatment. You should be on a first name basis with your tailor, your bootmaker, your sommelier.
If you are following these directions, the best part of Bond life, the upscale women, should come easy to you. I mean just go to a shopping mall and look at your competition. Of course, you don’t do anything stupid like use the phrase “Vodka Martini, Shaken not Stirred,” or like some idiots I have seen, hint to the ladies that you are soon going on a secret mission.
Design your life for your Bond decade, and after it is past, what do you do? You read my article on Autumn Bonding, also found on this site.
Getting past the bit of tongue and cheek above, the whole point is that lifestyle design begins early, in sensible stages, and like great music builds up to a wonderful climax, then gradually tapers down to a fine finish.
Go thou and do likewise.
© 2014 W. Adam Mandelbaum Esq. - justiceneversleeps.net
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