Bonding the boring

24 April, 2010

Let's face it, no matter what we do, no matter where we are, a large part of what we do is rather dull. Boring. Even those of us who actually performed intelligence functions in the real world at one time, will admit that much of what we did was a snore. Bond, being a fictional creation, a two dimensional denizen of book and film, never has a dull moment apparently. Never waits in line, never struggles to find a parking space, never even has to pee. But those of us who dwell in three dimensions, how do we make the boring more Bond like?

bond soundtrackThe first step is get a soundtrack. He always had one, why not us? Put some music to what you are doing whenever practical. Commuting in the car? Get the appropriate CD playing. Putting the night's dinner in the microwave? Do it to the right tune. Try this. Watch a segment of a Bond film when he's not fornicating or fighting, and turn the sound off. Not even half as cool is it? So soundtrack it.

How do you choose? It depends on when you bonded with Bond. Obviously you can use music from the films, but you also want to use music similar to the times and moods of the films. If you signed on in the Connery years, we're talking jazz, calypso, "cocktail" and "lounge" music. If you got the photo in the eighties (heaven forbid) maybe you're talking Duran Duran. It's a matter of personal choice of course. The point is when doing the dull you can get more dum da da dum dum style with a score.

gilette razorNext, use props. Drinking your Evian or your eau de tap? Put it in a champagne flute glass for more 007 style. Going to the market? Dress up a bit in a blazer with pocket square and an open French cuff shirt. (Don't even think tuxedo). Now when you're cruising the produce aisle in style, an elegant you might just find Pussy Galore feeling the melons, and start up a fruitful relationship. When paying your monthly bills, sign your checks with a high quality fountain pen for some flourish. When shaving your mug, use a shaving mug, brush and safety razor, for some old time grace for your face. (Floris for after shave if you can afford it, throw out the Old Spice - immediately.)

Another trick to make the boring more Bond is to watch how we talk about what we are doing. Putting your clothes away? No, you are attending to your wardrobe. Paying your credit card bills? No, you are engaged in some financial matters. Picking up a permit from your local town clerk? No, you are away on official business. It's a different spin on the dull that can make it shine.

There are certain things we must never do if we can avoid it. Don't wash your own laundry. That's what wives are for. If you are fortunate enough not to have one, then use the fat old ladies who work in the Laundromat. It frees up your time, and keeps them employed. Avoid waiting in line like the plague. Schedule your visits and appointments at times likely not to have a crowd of people doing the same thing. Fortunately, via the internet we can do many chores electronically that used to require long lines, but there are still occasions where you may encounter the evils of the waiting line. Avoid clubs and restaurants that require you to wait in line. There are plenty that can take you in right away. Remember, while Bond was close to Q he was never found in a queue. Neither should you be.

Consider using a virtual assistant as your own Miss Moneypenny to take care of the unpleasant but necessary chores of life. Use valet parking whenever available. You want to reduce the mundane to a minimum and be more like Bond even when you are dealing with rounds routine and not spins of roulette.

 

© 2010 W. Adam Mandelbaum Esq. - justiceneversleeps.net

Author of The Born Again Bachelor's Bible - Great tips for divorced or divorcing men
Member Association For Intelligence Officers
Former operative at NSA
Present New York Attorney


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Comments

here here!
you should also use a valet services at hotels or restaurants (avoiding the wild hair cutted youth, who will no doubt find the need to cycle through the manual gearbox of your car, leaving twin trails of expensive black rubber when he thinks you are out of earshot - I speak from experience)

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